Tuesday, July 16, 2002

For Your Information: Innocent Smith is no more. I have ceased to blog here. To the twenty or so people who still visit daily, you can read my continued blogging here: blog.ninepence.com. Thank you.

Friday, July 12, 2002

I have a confession to make. I am not real.

I have never been real. No Toby Drake exists (to my knowledge) somewhere in Maine. I am a character in the mind of a diabolical blogger, an experiment in practical joking. With a small group of bloggers willing to join in the fun and testify that I was, indeed, a real person, it was quite easy to make a name for myself. No pun intended.

Everything that I wrote about in these pages actually happened. The names have changed, the locations have changed, but that's all. I ran it merely as I ran my old blog.

And it worked amazingly well. With this simple website, I've climbed the charts in the reformed blogging world. I've even made it higher than my creator did with his blog.

It worked almost too well, in fact. Suddenly, Toby Drake is not merely a pen name. I am required to have conversations with people - emailing, IMing, and all that stuff. It's become a bit much for a make-believe person, however fun. I suppose this comes from reading too many P.G. Wodehouse novels. I should have known it wouldn't work out - it never does in the books. It's incredibly fun to read, though!

Whatever the case, it has gone far enough. It's time for the fun that is Toby Drake to end. I will now sign off, and hand the baton over to the man behind it all: Tim Eaton.
IM. People keep telling me to get into instant messaging. I'm seriously considering it. What should I get, though? ICQ? MSN? AIM? Yahoo? What are most of the reformed-blogger-types on? Which one's the best to go with? Any suggestions?

Thursday, July 11, 2002

Dude! Tim Eaton is back! Back to blogging! Note the new address: blog.ninepence.com. Welcome, friend! You have a daily visitor for sure here.

Wednesday, July 10, 2002

Atmospheric Disturbances. You remember Sunday morning? With the eerie sun and smoky feel?
Ick. After researching Matthew Broderick, I have decided I look nothing like him. Good grief. Did everyone in the 80s have horrible fashion sense? I wasn't dressing like this. Or this. And he wasn't even wearing the same kind of hat. That waitress was nuts. The only picture that looks remotely like something I would wear is this one. Good grief. (If you have problems viewing the images, just hit refresh. They'll come up after a couple times.)
Kristen! She has a blog!
All Right, All Right!

I don't know who started this, but I saw it first on Rachel's blog.

a - age: 19, going on 11.
b - best quality: my boyish good looks? naaaah.
c - choice of meat: sausage.
d - dream date: hm... I don't know.
e - exciting adventure: car accidents.
f - favorite food: mexican! or, rather, americanized mexican. whatever.
g - greatest accomplishment: so far? learning to move my eyes independently of each other.
h - happiest day of your life: way too many to choose from.
i - interests: music, writing, reading, dancing, pool... quidditch.
k - kool-aid: ick.
l - love: haven't found her yet.
m - most valued thing i own: my car.
n - name: toby drake.
o - outfit you love: faded abercrombie jeans with a plain t-shirt over a long sleeve shirt... or a suit. i don't know.
p - pizza toppings: pepperoni.
q - question asked to you the most: "Do I know you?"
r - reason for blogging: Tim talked me into it.
s - sport to watch: golf.
t - television show: Jeeves and Wooster!
u - ur favorite song: wow. way too many to choose from. perhaps VOL's "Port of Entry"
w - winter: is a time for car accidents.
y - year born: 1983.
z - zodiac sign: gemini.

Tuesday, July 09, 2002

Now I Know What Celebrity I Resemble...

SCENE: The Borders café. TOBY sits curled up in a chair, feverishly writing an article. His black snap-brim hat is pulled low over his forehead, and he wears faded jeans and a black button-down shirt. A WAITRESS with pink hair and red shoes cleans a table nearby, and stops and looks at Toby.

Waitress: Hey. You know who you look like?
Toby: Um... No.
Waitress: Matthew Broderick in Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
Toby: Oh? Is that a good thing?
Waitress: Yes! With your hat, and the way you dress...
Toby: Thanks, I guess. I've never seen the flick.
Waitress: You should. Honestly, you look just like him.
Toby: Ah. OK.
Waitress: [walks away to clean another table]
Toby: [stares into space for a moment, then returns to writing]

Ouch. My email has been down for some two days. It's terrible. I've talked Tim into giving me an address at his domain name. So... If you've sent anything to me in the past couple days, please resend it to toby@ninepence.com. Thanks!

Monday, July 08, 2002

Left Behind? Sunday we woke up to a terrible feeling of dread. The sun was blocked as if by smoke, barely shining with an otherwordly orange-pink tint. The objects all around us looked a hazy yellow-green. We all felt a sense of foreboding, as if it were some omen. What disaster would happen today? we wondered.

With a sickening feeling, I began to wonder whether Tim LaHey & Co. were right, all along. There was a completely end-times feeling about the morning. Had we been left behind? I felt sick; if only I had remained a dispensationalist a few years longer, I would have made it into the rapture. Blast it.

Of course, later we learned it was smoke from Canadian forest fires, and the skies were like that clear down to North Carolina. We learned this with open mouths, and grinned our silly grins at each other. But I know we were all secretly relieved.
Monday. The morning we try to sleep off the drinking and carousing of the weekend, but are pitifully unable to. The morning we stumble out of bed, jab our eyes when putting our contacts in, try to comb our hair but give up, climb into the car to go get a coffee, listening only to The Smiths because it seems appropriate... Chatting with the cashier (who looked, as usual, perfect despite it being Monday morning) cheered me up, but... *yawn* They should outlaw Mondays.

OK, there was one good thing this morning. Check out this new blog. OK, so it's not new as of today, but I only found it today. It's still pretty new though, so we welcome you, Rachel!

Sunday, July 07, 2002

Oh, Shut Up.
- Get me a slipjoint wrench.
- A what?
- One of those wrenches with the joint that slips around.
- Real funny. I don't know what you're talking about.
- The thing that goes 'foom foom foom' [spoken with appropriate hand motions]
- Oh! That thing! You should have been more specific.
- [exasperated sigh]